Northside SF
Bellingham by the Bay



The stupid and vicious beating of paramedic and Giants fan Bryan Stow has created a new sort of camaraderie between Los Angeles and San Francisco. Fundraising events for Bryan were held in the north and in the Southland. The outrage is unanimous. The so-called rivalry between the two cities was greatly stirred up by Herb Caen and Los Angeles Times columnist Jack Smith. Herb wrote: “Isn’t it nice that people who prefer Los Angeles to San Francisco live there?” Some San Franciscans deride L.A, but L.A people rarely give S.F. a thought. … Claudia Young called last month to remind me it was Herb’s birthday – April 3. Herb would be 95. Hard to believe he’s been gone for 14 years. It’s hard to believe that Herb’s beloved and now-closed Washington Square Bar & Grill gave away over a thousand martinis on Herb Caen Day in June 1996. Herb described vodka as Vitamin V. These days, many of us have quit drinking and are taking real vitamins. Herb, you’re not missing a thing. … I doubt Herb Caen ever had writer’s block. Local curmudgeon Parker Ralph assesses today’s bloggers: “Where’s writer’s block now that we really need it?” …

Cabdriver Margo Jackson picked up a fare that said he was a lawyer. “What kind of law?” Margo asked. “I’m a door lawyer,” he said. “What’s a door lawyer?” she wondered. “I take any client who walks through the door.”… Muni fired a driver who was texting behind the wheel. Did they text her walking papers? ... You’ve heard about the South Beach Diet.  “I much prefer the North Beach Diet,” says Valerie Pinkert. “I start at the U.S. Restaurant for lunch, then head south on Columbus, stopping everywhere, sampling all the food I can. I end the evening at Tommy Toy’s, but I think all that walking is taking its toll on me.” … Barnaby Conrad walked into Tom Wolfe on Lexington Avenue in New York. “Perhaps you remember meeting my father in San Francisco a few years back,” Barnaby said. Wolfe: “Yes, he was about your age then.” (Thirty years ago.) Barnaby threw a book party in N.Y. for David Monagan. His new book, Ireland Unhinged, is published by Council Oak Books under the watchful eye of Barnaby and the irrepressible Maurice Kanbar. Wolfe likes the review from Malachy McCourt. …

Word comes from a beleaguered Ireland that Guinness sales have dropped sharply. Who can afford to drink in a pub these days? Garry Graham, owner of the 19 Broadway Club in Fairfax, has been to Ireland 20 times. “My wife, Amory, and I were there in 1994, in the pubs, watching the World Cup semifinals against Italy. The Irish were convinced they would lose before the game even began! The Irish are conditioned for failure – anticipated misery – but it’s worked for them for centuries. I’m not worried about the Irish.” … Things are pretty ghastly here in the States, too. Is this town expensive? There will soon be a surcharge on breathing. The fares on the Marin buses, the ferries, and the toll on the Golden Gate Bridge are going to go up every year from now on. The district has an $89 million deficit. How did that happen? Judge Quentin Kopp used to have a theory: “The bridge district directors need to get someone to pay for those long lunches at the St. Francis Yacht Club.” Perhaps the old grumbler was only kidding. …

Oh, no, another Hollywood remake. With the ill-conceived refashioning of Bedazzled years ago and now it’s Arthur – both unspeakably wretched – Hollywood owes the late, great Dudley Moore an apology. “What is worse,” laments Nob Hill’s Michael Rawls, “is that we are so old, we remember the originals.” … Tune into Harry Shearer’s Le Show Sundays at noon on KALW-FM, (91.7). Shearer, the best satirist on radio, features the very funny “Apology of the Week.” … Binyamin Jolkovsky, editor of Jewish World Review, apologized to his unhappy readers: “I made several mistakes in producing both of (sic) this newsletter as well as on the site. What the ‘^%%&&’ was wrong with me was that I was quite ill. I was on painkillers and antibiotics. But I still published.” Publish and be damned. Seriously, no Jolkovsky. …

Word from China: Many are upset by the irradiated water that’s spilling into the sea from a Japanese nuclear reactor. And we know how the Chinese government worries about the environment. Right. I’m not worried about irradiated fish coming from the Pacific. It may come already half-cooked at the store. Or is that half-baked? … The Oxford Book of Royal Anecdotes tells us that King Henry I died from “eating a surfeit of eels.” Henry sure loved his boiled lampreys. It’s true that time wounds all eels. Say, who sells lampreys around here? Swan Oyster Depot? …

I’ve been fascinated by the way the ridiculously obdurate president of Ivory Coast spells his name: Laurent Gbagbo (pronounced “BAG-boe”). From now on, I spell my name Gbruce
Gbellingham. …

Gbruce Gbellingham is the author of “Gbellingham by the Bay.” Reach him at bruce@northsidesf.com.

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